A year ago, I was terrified and lost, completely wrecked emotionally, angry at the universe for making terrible things happen to my family. Nothing has changed very much. I felt I couldn’t write about what was happening without making myself even worse, but after a year everything is just as difficult and confusing: so here it goes. This is going to be an honest account of my grief about my father’s passing and cancer, coupled with struggling to become a real growup without the man who was my guide.